The Seven Deadly Administrative Sins

Quality
Honesty
Dedication
Value
Loyalty
Frugality
Self-sacrifice

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The woman below responded, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

In the beginning was the plan
And then came the assumptions
And the assumptions were without form
And the plan was completely without substance
And the darkness was upon the face of the Employees
And they spoke amongst themselves, saying
"It is a crock of s___ and it stinks"
And the Employees went unto their Supervisors, saying
"It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof"
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying
"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong
such that none may abide by it"
And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying
"It is a vessel of fertilizer and none may abide its strength"
And the Directors went unto their Executive Directors, saying
"It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong"
And the Executive Directors went unto the General Manager, saying
"It promotes growth and is very powerful"
And the General Manager went unto the Board of Directors, saying
"This new plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of this
organization and these areas in particular"
And the Board of Directors looked upon the plan and saw
that it was good and the plan became policy.
This is how s___ happens.

New Element Discovered!

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by chemists at the NRC Research Centre. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called memos. (A competing group in Russia has named these particles morons and claims priority of discovery.)

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally occur in less than one second.

Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead, undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic weight actually increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, universities and NRC and can usually be found in the newest, best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.