Board Member - leaps tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, and dictates policy to God.
Superintendent - leaps short buildings in a single bound, more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if sea is calm, and talks to God.
Principal - leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster than a speeding BB, walks on water in indoor swimming pool, talks with God if special request is approved.
Assistant Principal - barely clears Quonset hut, loses race with locomotive, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, is occasionally addressed by God.
Teacher - makes high mark on wall, loses tug-o-war with handcart, sometimes handles gun without inflicting self injury, dog paddles, talks to self.
Teacher's Aide - runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives 2 out of 3 times, is not issued ammunition, sinks without life jacket, talks to walls.
The Secretary - lifts buildings to walk under, kicks locomotives off tracks, catches speeding bullets in teeth, freezes water with a glance, she is God.